Her Campus American

Click HERE to read my farewell to Leslie Knope and the cast of “Parks and Recreation”

The 5 Stages of Having Writer’s Block

As you’ve noticed, I haven’t been posting as much on this blog. And it’s not that I don’t want to – I really, really want to write. I just have no idea what I should write about. It’s not like I ran out of ideas – I’ve been doing some awesome things in England. It’s just that I can’t figure out how to articulate the things I’m doing here.

A couple of weeks ago, most of us on my program went to visit Stonehenge, Salisbury Cathedral, and Bath. The trip was really fun; not only did the bus have wifi, but we all got to bond and get away from the hustle and bustle of London. Stonehenge was pretty fuckin’ amazing (excuse my language) – it’s actually much cooler than it looks in photos. I also ran into one of my good friends, Daniel there! The wind at Stonehenge was crazy – my hair was everywhere and I was freezing and it sucked. Luckily, Stonehenge’s visitor’s center had a cafe with amazing hot cocoa, so that definitely made up for the shitty weather.

One reason I wanted to visit the Salisbury Cathedral was to see the Magna Carta; however, due to its 800th anniversary this year, they weren’t displaying it. However the cathedral was very beautiful and it’s cafe had GREAT roasted potatoes. I mean, they were the best potatoes I’ve had in a long time. And they also had thousands of cat trinkets. (Can you tell I really love cats and potatoes? I should change this site’s name.)

Bath was also a beautiful, beautiful place to visit – I’m actually planning on going back to have my own personal Jane Austen experience (AKA write poems in cafes and pretend I’m a hipster.) We got to visit the Roman Baths (again, beautiful) and my lovely friend Mandy had us all try the water. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t taste that great. After visiting the baths, a group of us went and got some AMAZING gelato – where I ran into Daniel for the second time! It was great seeing him again so unexpectedly! I really enjoyed my time outside of London and as much as I love this city, I can’t wait to explore other parts of England.

I also had the chance to visit Brixton; if you know me, you know that I love The Clash/”Guns of Brixton” so this trip was pretty meaningful. It was great going to a different part of London; the area is so culturally diverse, I loved every second I was there. I mainly hung around the indoor market, Brixton Village, and got some amazing sourdough pizza. (I’m saying ‘amazing’ too much but I don’t even care.) I also got to spend some time with a friend in Brixton, who showed me some cool street art. I’d include pictures but I’m honestly too lazy to be bothered with going through my iCloud.

Last Thursday I was able to visit Parliament for a second time and watch the MPs grill Ministers with questions (I also took a nap – Parliament needs comfier seating.) It’s always nice going into central London and seeing Big Ben and the London Eye (which I have yet to go to.)

Lately, I haven’t been out exploring because school is so demanding right now; two weeks ago I had 3 papers due, last week I had 2 papers and presentation, and this week I have another 2 papers and a presentation due. It’s quite stressful. Luckily, next week is my last week of classes so I’ll have more free time.

OH! I also booked solo trips to Paris and Amsterdam during my spring break in two weeks. I’m a little nervous about traveling alone but I’m excited to see some European cities. I’ve always wanted to go to Paris to visit the Louvre and though my French is pretty rusty (je parle Francais un peu???) I can’t wait to immerse myself in the culture for FOUR days! After Paris I’m heading up to Amsterdam for a couple of days to hit up the Anne Frank House and the Van Gogh Museum – I love Van Gogh so this trip is going to be pretty damn emotional. After Amsterdam, I’m heading home to London and I’m planing on taking a trip up to Leeds (to see the university, because I’m a nerd) and go back to Bath (because Jane Austen.)

This post was originally going to be about the struggles of writer’s block… I’ve kept the title for the sake of continuity (AKA lazy) but I’m glad I’ve apparently gotten over it. Maybe my next post will cover it. We’ll see.

Sorry, sorry, sorry

I have been absolute SHIT at updating this lately. I’ve been crazy busy with coursework that I’ve been unable to talk about anything interesting in my life.

I promise I’ll be back soon. One more week.

An Open Letter to my Ex-Boyfriend’s New Girlfriend

Trigger warning: this post discusses an abusive relationship; do not read if you are easily trigged by this topic. And please, if you are a victim of domestic violence, call your national hotline and seek help.

Hi there,

I’m not sure if you know of me other than the “horror” stories he may have told you. I’m not addressing you as bitter or jealous – I’m far from it, actually. The events of last year are so far away that I couldn’t even will myself to be jealous, even if I tried extremely hard.

I’m not sure if you’re even a girlfriend, but the few friends of mine that keep in touch with him have told me he’s dating someone again. This letter isn’t meant to harm either of you, but it is a warning.

When he and I dated two years ago (it seems so far away now), I was on cloud nine. I was so happy that I had found someone who seemed to be the right guy. I thought he was sweet, kind, caring; basically, he was a good guy. Not to say that he isn’t one now, but he most certainly is not the nicest person. Nor am I for writing this, I assume.

Anyway… If you’d like read about all the horrible things he did to me, click here. I’ll give you some highlights.

Being in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship is… I’m trying to think of a word to describe it, but I can’t. These types of relationships are never easy to deal with and overcome. Speaking from experience, I’m still dealing with the effects certain aspects of the relationship have had on me. I still have nightmares of memories, I still wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.

So here’s the deal: he will treat you well, he’ll pay for meals, drive you places, kiss you in public… He’ll do everything he can to hook you in. Then, the little fights will start. He’ll probably flirt with another girl in front of you, text his ex-girlfriend in front of you then blame you when you bring it up. He’ll start calling you “stupid” and “idiotic,” only to apologize with “I love you baby, you know that.”

He’ll start making you question yourself. When he does something that doesn’t sit right with you, and you bring it up, he’ll turn around and ask you why you think he’s such a horrible person. He’ll turn it around and tell you that you’re insane for ever doubting him.

When he continues to flirt with other women and disregards your wants and needs from the relationship, you’ll get angry. You’ll be frustrated and you’ll question if you’re worthy of him (spoiler alert: he’s not worthy of you.) When bigger fights arise, the fun really starts. You’ll be called a stupid bitch, a fat fuck, a fat cow, a fat pig, a stupid whore, a fucking slut… He’ll tell you that he wishes you were dead, that you would be found in a ditch somewhere, that he could rid himself of you.

I would really like to tell you more, but as my hands are shaking and my breath has caught in my throat, it’s far too raw still for me to articulate. But you get the picture. He isn’t always who he says he is. He pays for your meals and holds your hand in public, yet behind closed doors he screams in your face and breaks you down.

I’m sure in regards to our relationship, he’s told you that I was crazy, that I did things to keep him in the relationship. And sure, that’s definitely one way of looking at it. But what he needs to understand, and what you and others need to understand, is that my actions were reactions due to the horribly abusive nature of my relationship. In a powerless partnership, I did what I could to get the upper hand. I’m not say the way I acted was wrong or right; however, it is justified. I wasn’t “crazy” for no reason. I was driven mad by someone who would tell me I deserved to die then told me he loved me. I was driven insane by someone who threatened to cheat on me every time I did something he deemed wrong.

So please read this and heed my warning. I’m not trying to infringe on either of your happiness, but I hope you continue this relationship with caution. I hope these words stick with you (like that have, me) and that if you get one inkling of abusive thrown your way, you leave. Do not be me and “stick it out” for over a year. Do not give into his threats of suing you if you leave – they’re empty threats, but they definitely scared me enough to stay.

And if he’s learned his lesson from our relationship, I wish you two the best. I hope that he can learn from the mistakes he made with me and the girlfriends before me.

I’ll end this letter-thing with a quote I saw today on tumblr. It was random but I think it summarizes this well:

I loved a boy who didn’t appreciate me and it fucked me up.

Check out my latest blog post on Her Campus!

Hello friends,

If you’d like to read about the shenanigans I’m getting myself into while in London,  head over here.

Expect a new post here some time this week.

London Called and I Answered (Pt. II)

So I’ve been in London for about four days now and I’m already dreading having to go home in four months. London is the most amazing city in the world, I’m convinced. I’ve only been here a few days but I’ve already seen so much of the city, I’m completely in love. As I continue to stumble my way down cobble stone streets, I’m sure I’ll learn more, but I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned during my time here so far.

1. They drive on the wrong side of the road

Okay, this is probably really obvious and total common knowledge but it still freaks me out. They drive on the wrong side of the road. Not the opposite–the wrong. Every time I cross the street I put my life in the hands of London drivers (which I do not recommend.) I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this.

2. They don’t have designated walking directions

In the states, when you walk on a sidewalk there’s a certain side for people going one way and people going the opposite way. Here, all bets are off. I’ve stumbled into countless people here because they just walk wherever. In any direction. I’m blaming this on their driving on the wrong side.

3. They have weird adverts

Every advertisement I’ve seen has been weird; they involve a lot of talking animals. I mean…A LOT. I can’t tell what they’re advertising. I can’t tell what product they want me to buy. Why can’t you Brits make sense?!

4. They are completely obsessed with their queen

Again, this might be totally obvious but their obsession with the queen is borderline scary. They care so much about her and her wellbeing it’s a little scary. I also get a little jealous; why can’t someone care about me and my wellbeing so much that they lay out a carpet so I never touch the floor?  So jealous. Someone make me a princess.

5. The weather is temperamental

Today was windy and chilly, then it rained, then we had a freak minute-long wind/rain hurricane, then it was sunny, then it got rainy. The weather fluctuates constantly and it’s turning into a problem. Do I bring an umbrella? A heavy jacket? Sunglasses? I’m so lost.

6. London is fuckin’ old

This too is pretty obvious, but you don’t realize it until you’re actually here. London is fucking old. I’ve seen buildings made in the 10th century, I’ve walked on streets where every monarch since the 1800’s has walked on. I’ve seen buildings damaged in World War II. This place is old and it is beautiful.

7. British boys are very cute

I’m in between significant others right now so I’ve been scoping out the new dating field. Between walking around central London and tinder, I’ve found that British boys are much more attractive than Americans. There’s definitely something in the water here that breeds beauty. And the accents don’t hurt, either.

So as you can see, I’ve learned a lot during my four days in London Town. I hope your newfound knowledge gives you a different perspective on England, and I’m sure that as the months go I’ll learn even more.

Image credit: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

London Called and I Answered

It’s currently 8PM LA time. I’m on my flight to London. I spent most of the day dreading getting on this plane; 12 hour flights are not the most fun thing. I even held my mom up at the airport saying goodbye because I was dreading going to London.

I’m not someone who likes change. I like as little change as possible. I’ve been eating the same food for years, I’ve had the same phone and phone company for years; after shopping at Forever 21 since I was 11, I just barely made a switch. I hate change. I hate things changing. And moving to England is obviously a huge change.

My past three weeks in LA felt like a year. I was with my friends and family and enjoying my time at home. When I’m at school, I spread myself so thin I rarely have time to relax, so going home is my safe haven. At home, I can sleep in later than 6AM (and I don’t have to rush to my 8AM classes.) I got through Sherlock, Parks and Rec, and Cosmos during my three weeks. I saw my family a few times and spent the holidays with them. It was nice. It was great, really.

So now, leaving paradise for four months is heartbreaking. I won’t see the sun for four months. I won’t see my family for four months. I won’t see my cat for four months (held back a sob writing that – crazy cat lady?)

On the bright side, I’m moving to fucking London. LONDON. LONDON. This has been my dream since I was 12. Since I finalized this in September, this day is all I’ve dreamt about. I have about 7 hours until I land at Heathrow and I’m nervous and excited and scared and anxious and every other weird emotion. I don’t know how tomorrow is going to go, I’m going to try and navigate the city alone to get to my little apartment. I’ll probably refrain from posting this so I can update you all on my journey through London.

If I’m trying to be sappy, which I’m not, I’d talk about all the things I want to do and see within the four months I’m there. Right now, my priority is finding cheap Fall Out Boy tickets (they’re doing a show in the city next week.) Fingers crossed that works out. Fuck it, I’ll be sappy.

I hope I explore parts of London I’ve never seen in photos or on TV. I hope I’m able to find friends that I get along with and travel with on the weekends. I hope I get to venture to other parts of Europe (Paris and Dublin are a must.) I hope I’m able to grow as a person and learn a bit more about myself.

There we have it.

~~

I’m just posting this today though it was written on Tuesday. I know I said I’d write a follow up but I’m severely jet lagged so I promise it’ll be up soon.

Image credit: 1

The 5 Stages of Dysfunctional Family Dinners

My family is crazy. I mean, we’re crazy. Our dinner talks revolve around politics, Kim Kardashian, zombie apocalypse plans and old movies. We laugh, we cry from laughing so hard, and we occasionally fart at the table (though no one will ever admit it’s them.) If your family is anything like mine, your family dinners probably go through these five stages.

1. Awkward greetings and catching up

The first stage of family dinners is gathering everyone up and catching up on lost time. With my family, it’s usually asking me and my cousins about our school work and our upcoming semesters. Because I live in LA yet go to school on the east coast, the most typical opener is, “How’s the weather there? Cold, right?” It’s the east coast. It’s always cold there.

2. Opening statements

When everyone’s seated at the table, someone will probably open with “So that Kim Kardashian is doing this now…” or “What do you think of Bill Cosby?” Well, at least we’re starting off with all the drama so we’ll have time to discuss petty things later. This usually leads into a heated debate where most family members try and discuss passionate topics with as little passion as possible. (Side note: I only used that gif because my dad’s name is Phil and he enjoys imposing his opinions on us all the time; side note side note: love ya dad.)

3. Conversation lulls

Once current events are out of the way and you’re stuffing your face with crescent rolls and pasta, the table gets awkwardly quiet. This is usually when a (probably drunk) relative starts talking about movies from their days. Personally, my dad and uncle talk about who beat whom at the 1982 Oscars. I’m not kidding. That comes up 9/10 times we eat together.

4. The kids get bored

My cousins and I are all close in age; we range from 17 to 22. When the adults start talking about the 80’s, we immediately tune them out. This is usually when we take out our phones to tweet things going on at the table, or we take embarrassing photos of each other (that we save for blackmail.)

5. Apples to apples 

There’s one thing that always makes our family dinners complete. Apples to apples. This word association game is quite possibly the worst and greatest invention of the 21st century. Because we’re too lazy to purchase Cards Against Humanity, we’ll play Apples alá Cards Against Humanity. Summary: the more politically incorrect you are, the more likely you are to win. Previous winners have been “Selfish Anne Frank,” “Misunderstood Adolf Hitler,” “Sexy Hellen Keller” and “Awkward Schindler’s List.” However, we’ll also choose some wild cards, i.e. “Fuzzy Wheat.”

I’m not sure if this post was made to tell you about my weird family because we’re one-of-a-kind or I’m trying to see if there are others like us. Regardless, my family is totally awesome and I wouldn’t change them at all.

Image credit: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Resolutions

I feel like this is an obligatory post. It’s New Year’s Day so of course, I’ve got to share my resolutions with the internet. I’m not really one for sharing these things, or even sticking to them, but I think the few resolutions I’ve come up with are going to be fairly easy to keep. Before I do that, though, I want to take a quick minute to reflect on everything that happened this year.

2014 was really the year I figured out what I wanted. Not so much what I want to do in life, or what I want to be, but I discovered the types of people I work well with and the types that I’m not so compatible with. I let go of a lot of toxic people in my life. I lost a few friends and a (shitty) boyfriend and all of that made me realize the type of person I am and the types of things I won’t stand for. I’ll probably make detailed posts about these things in time, so that’s all you need to know for now. Without further ado, here are my five resolutions for 2015.

1. Stay healthy and exercise

Lately I’ve been exercising more (an hour at the gym everyday) and I can feel how much healthier my body is. Before, I relied solely on walking to exercise. Now I’m running, lifting weights, and doing crunches and I can just feel my body getting healthier. I hope that I can stay true to this exercise regime this year.

2. Eat healthier

Branching off that, I want to try and eat healthier. On top of being a picky eater, I do my best to stay vegan/vegetarian. Recently, I was introduced to the beauty of Nando’s Peri-Peri Chicken so I’ve let myself branch out into eating white meat. But I want to do my best with eating much healthier. I mean, my life motto is “I’ll eat salad when I’m 40 and my metabolism is nonexistent” but I guess I can try and eat salad more often. Even though it’s gross. Maybe I’ll stick to tofu.

3. Tell more people to “fuck off”

I have a serious problem. I’m too nice and too caring. When I fight with someone (friend/boyfriend/whatever) I immediately want to resolve it. When I lost my friends and boyfriend this year, I let them walk out the door without saying “bye”–or better, saying “fuck you.” When people screw me over or treat me badly, I never stand up. I let them. So if this happens again in 2015, I’m hoping I can grow a pair and say “fuck off” to their face.

4. Be the person my dog thinks I am

My dog treats me like I’m the fucking queen. She jumps on me, tackles me and gives me plenty of kisses. She thinks the world of me. But, like everyone else, I have my faults. I’m not perfect, nor do I claim to be, but my dog seems to think I am. If I started treating myself the way my dog treats me, I’d be much happier.

5. Be happy

I guess this is cliche, just I really just want 2015 to bring me happiness. I spent a lot of this year crying, being upset and worrying about things that I needn’t worry about. I’ll fix the things I can and let go of the things I can’t. I can’t control other people’s actions, but I can control my reactions to them. I can control my own feelings and destiny. I’m living in the city of my dreams and nothing can hold me back.

I hope you all are enjoying the hangover (I am) and I wish you a rich 2015!

Image credit: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Why “Cosmos” is Brillant (Yet Scares The Absolute Shit Out of Me)

I’ll admit it – I’m addicted to Netflix. I binge-watch seasons, even entire series, in days. After finishing Parks and Rec for the second time, I decided to give something new a try. “Cosmos” immediately interested me. As someone who loves science and astrophysics (yet miserably fails at doing math), I wanted to see what the hype was about.

“Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey” aired recently this year and succeeded in bringing hard science to the general public. Based off the original “Cosmos: A Personal Voyage”, hosted by late astrophysicist Carl Sagan, host Neil deGrasse Tyson took viewers on a journey through space and time. He showed us the formation of the solar system, the distant worlds of our neighboring galaxies and gave us insights on what may happen to Earth millions of years from now.

As a self-proclaimed science nerd, this series filled me with joy. But some claims Tyson made were downright terrifying. I’m not claiming to know everything about science and physics: I’m merely a girl who has an interest in the stars, who took an astrophysics course (and got an A, duh) and who enjoys being challenged. I’m sure I’m not the only person who freaked out over points made on Cosmos, so I summarized the big things that made me tick and I’ve decided to explain them (in the most non-science-y way, sorry Sagan/Tyson/Einstein/Nye/Every other great scientist.)

1. The constant usage of the term “known/observable universe”

Hearing this instantly gives me a panic attack. What do you mean “observable” universe?! There’s MORE?! But there’re already like…billions upon billions of stars and galaxies that we can see! That’s not ALL of them?! Then, of course, this gets me thinking about aliens. Aliens must exist…right? In the unknown/unobserved universe? They have to be real. Tyson, c’mon, stop scaring me.

2. The use of time travel (in regards to seeing stars)

It’s basically common knowledge–at least, it should be–that the light we see from stars is from long ago. Light can only travel at the speed of light, and the speed of light is only so fast. Ergo, we’re seeing light that left a star thousands, even millions, of years ago. That star must be dead, right? What if every star is dead because the universe is gone and because it takes so long to reach us we don’t know that we’re alone in the universe? These questions haunt my nightmares. Literally. Watching “Cosmos” gave me nightmares about getting sucked into black holes that played “Wish You Were Here” by Fleetwood Mac on repeat.

3. We never really touch anything

This is another thing that ruined me. How can we possibly not touch things?! My cat is soft. My computer is cold. My skin is dry. I can literally feel it! How are these sensations merely electrons/atoms/protons (I forgot which one it is) repelling each other? I do not understand. This scares me so much. We’re essentially always floating when we’re sitting or laying down. I really don’t like this.

4. Tardigrades, tardigrades, TARDIGRADES

These little water creatures (that have kind of cute mouths) can survive anything. Tyson stated that they can survive in boiling heat, freezing temperatures, even the vacuum of deep space. And these tough animals are around the size of a grain of salt. These minuscule creatures are BEASTS. They can survive practically anything in any climate. Humans are not that durable. We panic if its too hot or too cold. We will never be tardigrades. This sucks. 

5.Neutrinos

Now, I have a special connection to neutrinos because I think they’re awesome and one of my favorite professors, Professor Jessica Uscinski at American University, does a lot of work with them. (Side note: Prof. U is amazing.) Neutrinos are the byproducts of nuclear fusion (hydrogen→helium in stars) that are almost as fast as the speed of light. They’re also pretty much undetectable, as they pass through all matter without making a fuss. Basically, neutrinos are intense and seem crazy hard to study. Tyson noted that there are neutrinos left over from the Big Bang (14 billion years ago when the universe was created.) NEUTRINOS. FROM. THE. BIG. BANG. Still floating about in space, passing through all matter. I worry about neutrinos…they’re homeless. Will they ever find a home?! I wish I could keep them at my house and bake them cookies and tell them they’re badasses (okay – I’ll stop fantasizing about neutrinos now.)

6. Harmful chemicals in the environment

Showcased through Clair Patterson’s work with lead and his eventual defamation of leaded gasoline, Tyson tells us the ways we’re currently harming the Earth. We use so many chemicals, we burn so much gasoline and coal and oil that the amount of carbon dioxide in our air hasn’t been recorded on Earth since the time of the dinosaurs. Whoa. Food for thought: why don’t we just stop using up these resources that are clearly fucking our planet up? Oh no, the gas companies make too much money to ever consider stopping. The power plants make way too much money to ever consider stopping. We all know we have a problem, what with the polar vortex in the Northeast and debilitating droughts in the Southwest – let’s fix it. 

7. Pangea

Okay, so we’ve known for a while that at one point in the Earth’s history, all of the continents were once conjoined to form Pangea, the super-continent. Due to earthquakes (shifting of plate tectonics beneath the ocean’s surface) these continents separated into the seven we know today. Isn’t that just a little crazy? The Earth was moving and shaking and ripping things apart while thousands of life forms existed. Do you think dinosaur families were separated? Could some of our early ancestors have fallen into the ocean during these shifts? Did the animals in warmer climates adapt if their tectonic plate moved them up north? So many questions. So few answers. RIP in peace little ancestors that didn’t make it.

8. Life on Mars

We’ve known about this for a while, too. Recent Mars expeditions have shown us that there was once water on the barren, rocky planet. Water = one of the elements to sustain life. Tyson tells the story of the Nakhla meteorite hitting Earth in 1911, explaining how life on Earth could’ve potentially come from other planets. When planets are hit by asteroids, they fling rocks into the air. These rocks stay in a dormat orbit until another planet’s gravitational pull brings them crash-landing onto their world. Tyson says that some life forms that burrowed themselves into these rocks could somehow stay alive in space, and when they come crash-landing onto a new planet, they start over again. Do you understand how scary that is?! We potentially could’ve crash-landed from Mars, or Jupiter, or some other planet. Our rocks that had life could’ve potentially crash-landed on other planets! I could have a cousin somewhere out in the Milky Way. Hi, cuz. 

9. Project Diana (sending radio signals into space)

In the 40s, Project Diana showed us that radio signals can be sent into space. Since then, Tyson told us that we’ve been listening to space, seeing if anyone else has been sending radio waves out as well. So far, we’ve heard nothing. But this all depends on the time the other civilizations may have sent radio waves out–time travel and all that jazz. So we could’ve just missed a transmission. Or we might not have the technology needed to hear them. Tyson also noted that the radio waves we transmit continue to travel throughout space–so that shout out you gave to your 6th grade crush on the radio? Yep. Aliens have probably heard it. Your excited screams when you won front row tickets to the Backstreet Boys? Yep. Aliens probably heard that too. 

10. The vast expanse of the universe 

I know I touched upon this earlier with the known/observable universe, but this show makes you question your own existence. We’re a tiny planet, in a tiny solar system, in a tiny part of a huge galaxy that’s a part of a gigantic universe. You’re just one life on that tiny planet, surrounded by billions of other lives. We all know that in five billion years or so, the sun is going to expand into a red giant and possibly consume the Earth. All our accomplishments, our marks made will vanish. Just like that. It’s scary to think about. Not to worry, though, Tyson comforts us by saying that we’ll hopefully be smart enough to have moved onto a new planet by then. Hopefully.

Good luck trying to sleep tonight.

Gif credit: 1, 2, 3